


i scared all my friends away

by cybergore



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alcohol, Character Study, Coming Out, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sick Character, Sickfic, Vomiting, fuck tilda, kind of, one instance of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29307612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cybergore/pseuds/cybergore
Summary: then he glanced up at kevin—handsome, talented, ridiculous, pompous kevin. the kevin who played video games with aaron whenever he asked, and made fun of aaron’s chronic bedheads by ruffling them up and making the whole mess worse.fuck it. he was going to do this.
Relationships: Kevin Day & Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	i scared all my friends away

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in january 2020, and it was meant to be one of those 5+1 things but i obviously never got around to doing that
> 
> i scared all my friends away - beard

The music’s heavy bass was making Aaron’s head hurt.

He had been drinking for twenty minutes, and he felt like he might have a premature hangover. Aaron was pretty sure he was coming down with something, and being at Eden’s didn’t make it any easier to bear.

The nausea rolling through his body was worsened by the heavy smell of sweat, alcohol, and perfume, as well as the flashing lights and pounding music.

The upperclassmen hadn’t come tonight, and so the group was reduced to just the “Monsters” as they were now affectionately referred to. To make matters worse, they were also down a man, due to Nicky’s recent departure to visit Erik in Germany for Christmas break.

So that meant that when Andrew returned from the bar and snapped his fingers at Neil, the responsibility fell to Aaron to look after a miserably drunk Kevin, sitting at Aaron’s side.

“Make sure he doesn’t die,” Andrew said, being heard above the music by doing that strange thing of his where he raised the volume of his voice so that he wasn’t yelling, but talking loudly.

“What?” Aaron asked, widening his eyes in disbelief. “You have  _ got _ to be kidding me.”

“Not unless you see another babysitter around here,” Andrew replied, expression blank (as fucking always).

Aaron turned to Neil for some backup. Which was, of course, the stupidest idea of the century, because what had Aaron  _ thought _ Neil’s reaction would be? The redhead simply gave Aaron a guilty shrug, and followed Andrew off to wherever they were going.

To hook up, no doubt. Gross.

Aaron made a retching noise mostly to himself, figuring that by now, Kevin would be approaching blackout territory. Contrarily, however, Kevin snorted from his place beside Aaron.

Aaron turned to him, raising a brow in question.

“Nothin’,” Kevin slurred. “’T’s just funny how grossed out you are by… you know.”

Aaron scrunched up his face once more in disgust. “It  _ is _ gross.”

“No ’t’s not,” Kevin replied, shrugging. It was strange; his words, though still slurred, were a lot clearer than they normally would be this far into a trip to Eden’s. “They’re in love.”

Aaron nearly gagged. “Oh my  _ god, _ Kevin,  _ never _ say that to me,  _ ever _ again. I swear to god, I’ll puke.”

“Andrew’s right,” Kevin said. “You  _ are _ an asshole.”

Aaron paused. “What?”

“You’re an asshole,” Kevin told him simply. “Andrew’s right when he says that.”

“What the fuck, Kevin,” Aaron swore, actually taken aback. He didn’t know why; Aaron was used to everyone cursing at him and calling him names. He did the same to them. He knew that it wasn’t that deep.

Kevin, apparently, felt the same confusion. He just stared at Aaron blankly. Wait. Maybe that was the alcohol.

“Man, that’s really fucking rude,” Aaron spat. He felt inexplicably incensed, whether it was from Andrew and Neil’s revolting displays of affection or Kevin’s comment. “You guys are so fucking rude to me.”

“What?” Kevin asked. He looked surprised and slightly hurt, like Aaron had just smacked him across the face. He was blushing, a little.  _ Maybe that was just the alcohol, Aaron. _

“Yeah, that’s right,” Aaron said, setting down his shot with a little more force than necessary. But hey, if Andrew got to dress like a fucking vampire and act like some cryptic Shakespearean hotshot, Aaron, too, had the right to a little drama.

“All of you. You’re always putting me down and shit, treating me like some kind of fucking… some fucking  _ bigot, _ like I kick puppies for fun,” Aaron spat. Only as he was saying it did he realize that this was actually the way he felt.

“Aaron, you know we—” Kevin tried to say, looking lime he was scrambling to find the right words.

“No, man, nuh-uh. Don’t give me that shit,” Aaron said. Kevin wasn’t  _ hearing _ him. When Aaron stood abruptly, he was hit by a wave of nausea. 

He placed a hand on his hip to steady himself, and for the effect, like he’d seen Allison do many a time. “Don’t make fucking excuses. Like, I get it, okay? I said some fucked-up shit about Andrew and Nicky and Neil. But I fucking  _ apologized _ for it, man, okay?”

“No one said you—” Kevin tried again.

“I’m not done!” Aaron cut in. He didn’t speak English well, didn’t use big fancy words or clever expressions like Andrew did. Aaron was just a small kid from a bad neighborhood, and his public school didn’t exactly give back to its patrons. “Not just you all, okay? Even, like, fucking Matt and Dan and Allison and, like, Renee. All of them treat me like shit, too. I’m fucking fed up. It’s  _ annoying, _ and it’s  _ unfair, _ and it—it makes me feel  _ bad.” _ Aaron’s voice broke on the last word.

Okay. That end bit… that wasn’t what Aaron has meant to stress. But Kevin caught it. The irritated look on his face melted into something a bit more sympathetic.

“Hey, Aaron,” Kevin said, voice soft, barely heard over the din of some trashy alternative song. Finally, Aaron allowed him to get a word in edgewise. “Calm down for a sec. Breathe in, yeah?”

Aaron did. It occurred to him that he hadn’t been breathing so well throughout his little speech. He tried to make his breaths steady and even.

“Better?” Kevin asked after a moment or two. Aaron nodded wordlessly. Kevin gently took Aaron’s wrist and pulled him down to sit. The leather of the bench was cracked and slightly sticky. Aaron felt like his skin was itching him. For a minute, they sat in silence.

Then, Kevin spoke. “Aaron, you know we all care so much about you, right?”

But Aaron didn’t want to hear it. “Shit, man,” he wheezed. “If you’re just gonna tell me more bullshit, don’t bother.”

This time, when Aaron looked at his face, Kevin’s expression was something akin to  _ wounded. _ Weird.

“Is that actually what you believe?” Kevin asked after another moment.

Aaron laughed emptily. The sound was almost lost in the noise of the club. But Aaron heard it, and it was almost scary how similar he sounded to Andrew. “Of course it is. It’s not that hard to see, is it? They all hate me, because I’m a jerk to Andrew, and their beloved fucking  _ Neil.” _

“Aaron. You know that’s bullshit, right?” Kevin asked. Though his expression was upset, his tone was entirely serious. He still hadn’t let go of Aaron’s wrist. Through the quickly worsening nausea-and-alcohol haze, it clearly occurred to Aaron that he didn’t want him to.

“What, the beloved Neil, or the them hating me?”

“The them hating you,” Kevin said, somewhat sheepish. He couldn’t deny that all the Foxes were head over heels for that dorky fucking redhead.

“But they’re always calling me an asshole whenever I even fucking roll my eyes at Neil and Andrew,” Aaron said. His voice sounded almost whiny, and he hated it.

Kevin frowned slightly. “Yeah. Well. You know why that is, don’t you?”

“What,” Aaron said. He was sort of losing track of the conversation. Hadn’t he started off as the more-sober person partaking in this conversation?

Kevin sighed. “Don’t you know why they get so mad about you criticizing Andrew’s and Neil’s relationship?” he asked. He sounded like he was trying to explain something to a very slow child, but was losing his patience bit by bit.

“Um,” Aaron said. “They hate me?”

“No,” Kevin groaned. “Jesus, Aaron. It’s because they think you’re homophobic.”

Everything skidded to a stop.

“Um,” Aaron began. That was the only word his brain seemed to generate, though.  _ Um. Um. Um. Um. _ “I. Um.”

Kevin sighed again. “They think that because you… I don’t know. You weren’t exactly supportive of Nicky, is all I know, and you’re certainly not making up for it when it comes to Andrew and Neil.”

“Um,” Aaron repeated. He thought the room might be maybe spinning a little bit. This time, Kevin paused, looked up from his lap and at Aaron.

“Hey, Aaron, are you, like… okay?” Kevin asked. Aaron promptly turned his head sixty degrees, coughed once, and puked up every single thing he had eaten prior to arriving at Eden’s.

“Oh motherfucking shit,” Kevin said, throwing his hands up like a prayer in vain to Jesus.

Aaron wiped his mouth, coughed again, and gave Kevin a wobbly smirk. “And those two are off fucking.”

And then he blacked out.

It turned out to be the flu.

Of course, Kevin was enraged. “I cannot  _ fucking _ believe that you  _ went to Eden’s _ when you were already  _ feeling sick,” _ he chastised Aaron for the billionth time as he set a cup of steaming chicken soup on the table in Aaron’s dorm. “You should feel  _ lucky _ that we don’t have a game coming up.”

“Calm down,” Aaron groaned, reaching for the box of quickly disappearing tissues in front of him. “My head hurts enough without you screaming at me.”

Kevin softened (as much as a guy like Kevin could, anyway) immediately. “Sorry. But really, Aaron, you have to take care of yourself.”

Aaron glared at him. He was  _ perfectly _ capable of taking care of himself. That wasn’t untrue just because he occasionally needed some help. Anyway, how did Kevin  _ expect _ him to take care of himself yesterday? Neil and Andrew had literally left him, drunk and sick, to watch over an equally smashed Kevin. Those two were lucky that Kevin, even through his alcohol haze, had the sense to go find them and take Aaron home.

“Fuck off, Kevin. You’re only concerned because you don’t want to lose your fucking backliner.” Aaron blew his nose again, cringing at the way it stung, given that Aaron had been repeating that motion for the past while.

“Aaron, seriously, is that what you think?” Kevin asked. His expression said that he meant business.

Not wanting to invoke Kevin’s ire  _ again, _ Aaron sighed and nodded. “Fucking duh, man. That’s the only reason you care about  _ any _ of us.”

This time, it was Kevin who looked queasy. “That’s not true,” he said.

“The fuck are you talking about? That’s the truest thing I’ve said all day,” Aaron spat. “You were pissed at Neil when he came back from fucking Evermore because he got injured and couldn’t play.”

Kevin covered his face with his hands. “Jesus, Aaron, you really don’t know anything.”

“What’s  _ that _ supposed to mean? We were all  _ there,” _ Aaron retorted.

Contrary to what one would think, being sick made Aaron even  _ more _ willing to argue with anyone that was unfortunate enough to be in his path of destruction. Kevin, to whom taking care of Aaron had been relegated, was just the one stuck with the job of Aaron’s verbal punching bag.

“Listen, Aaron,” Kevin said, putting his hands down so Aaron could see the expression on his face. Frankly, it was a lot more vulnerable than Kevin usually let Aaron see—and Aaron’s chest filled with a surprised sort of feeling, maybe mixed with something else. Kevin took a deep breath.

“Just because I have a hard time expressing my…  _ emotions, _ that doesn’t mean that they’re not there,” Kevin said. “Sometimes, I have to just… I have to say things I don’t mean. Like that I only cared that Neil couldn’t play, or Allison should’ve gotten over Seth quicker so she could put her game first.”

“No shit, Kevin,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “We get it. You’re repressed. And you have to use exy as an excuse to show emotion.”

Kevin glared at him. “You’re not the only one who has to use excuses for his own emotions.”

Aaron pushed back from the table, even though doing so sent his head spinning. “What the fuck is  _ that _ supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Kevin said snidely. “Just that  _ I _ know you’re not enough of an asshole to hate Neil and Andrew just because they’re two guys. You’re obviously using homophobia as a cover for what’s  _ really _ going on.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Aaron asked. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. Kevin  _ couldn’t _ know.

“You’re  _ protective _ of Andrew!” Kevin cried, throwing his hands up.

Oh.  _ Oh. _

“Um,” Aaron said. “What?”

“Clearly, you’re just being a bitter dickface because you don’t want Neil to hurt Andrew,” Kevin said, shaking his head. “Well, let me tell you right now—for all my complaints about him, Neil’s not going to hurt Andrew. He’s a good guy. The rest of us can see that.”

“Oh my god,” Aaron said, covering his face. The fever must’ve really been getting to him, because he started laughing hysterically. “Oh my  _ god.” _

Through his fingers, Aaron could see the look on Kevin’s face turn puzzled.

“What?” Kevin asked. “Why’re you laughing?”

Aaron laughed and laughed, until he felt himself start to calm down just a little. “Jesus fuck, Kevin, you really had me there for a sec,” Aaron grinned.

“Aaron, what the fuck are you talking about?” Kevin looked sufficiently confused.

Aaron was going to do this. No, he couldn’t do this. He  _ couldn’t. _

Then he glanced up at Kevin—handsome, talented, ridiculous, pompous Kevin. The Kevin who played video games with Aaron whenever he asked, and made fun of Aaron’s chronic bedheads by ruffling them up and making the whole mess worse.

Fuck it. He was going to do this.

“So, I guess I should tell you that you’re half right,” Aaron shrugged. Jesus and Mary and everyone else, the fever  _ actually _ was getting to Aaron’s head, because he was going to do this.

“I told you, I—wait,  _ half _ right?” Kevin asked, looking back at Aaron.

“Yeah,” Aaron said. He felt his heart beating in his chest, faster than it was supposed to. He was pretty sure his expression was calm, though, which was good. “I mean, sure, half of it is that I don’t trust Neil with Andrew. How could I? Andrew’s been through a fuckton of traumatic bullshit.”

“Right, but—” Kevin tried again. Aaron cut him off.

“But,” Aaron agreed. “That’s not all of it.”

_ Holy fuck, he was going to do this. _

“Okay?” Kevin said. He still looked bewildered, like he couldn’t begin to imagine what Aaron was going to say next.

“The other part is—” Aaron paused and took a breath, “—I’ve kind of been, um, conditioned, I guess? Conditioned to hate boys who like boys or girls who like girls.”

Kevin opened his mouth, but Aaron broke the silence again.

“I mean,” he said. He was doing this. He was doing this. Holy  _ fucking _ shit, he was doing this. “When my mom found out, she kind of tried to beat it out of me.”

Neither Kevin nor Aaron said anything for what felt like a very, very long time.

When Aaron looked up, Kevin’s expression looked like someone had just punched him in the face. Twice.

“You mean—?” Kevin asked. His voice was very, very quiet.

“Yeah,” Aaron said.  _ He did it. _

“Are you—are you gay?” Kevin asked.

The word made Aaron cringe, but he shook his head anyway, and pushed through the indoctrinated disgust that coursed through him at the thought. “I, um. That’s not. Exactly.”

Kevin paused. He looked like he was weighing his options. “Both?”

Aaron closed his eyes and nodded twice.

Another silence.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Kevin said finally. “I am. Um, too.”

Aaron looked back up. “Really?” he asked. Everything he knew about Kevin started to slowly rearrange in his head.

Kevin bit his lip. Like, honest-to-god, bit down on it. “Yeah.”

Aaron took a moment to think about how that must have been for Kevin in Riko’s fucked-up hellhole. “Does anyone else know?” he asked.

Kevin nodded. “Andrew. And, um. Jean. Thea.”

Aaron raised his eyebrows, an unspoken  _ go on _ written in the gesture. Kevin averted his eyes.

“Riko did. I mean. I’d assume he put it together on his own,” Kevin said. He expelled the words with a gust of let-out breath, like Aaron had extracted the confession from him by force.

That idea did not sit well with Aaron.

“I’m—” Aaron started to say, but Kevin waved a hand to cut him off.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I mean, it wasn’t fit for the son of exy to be… you know,  _ that. _ But—”

“But you’re here now,” Aaron finished. “And he’s gone.”

“...Yeah,” Kevin finished, voice barely louder than a whisper. Aaron closed his eyes, and nodded.

They sat like that for a moment, and then Kevin cleared his throat. “You should eat your soup, Aaron,” he said. “It’ll hopefully make you feel better.”

Aaron looked up. Kevin was watching him with a look in his eye that Aaron couldn’t identify.

“Okay,” Aaron replied slowly. His voice was hoarse. Maybe Kevin’s health advice wasn’t complete bullshit.

Kevin handed him a spoon, and Aaron took a careful sip of the chicken broth. It was cooler than it probably should’ve been—though that made sense, given that Kevin and Aaron had wasted what felt like an eternity with arguments and whatever that sentimental shit at the end had been.

But the soup was good, so Aaron quickly polished it off while Kevin sat there, watching.

“Want more?” Kevin asked after Aaron had finished.

“Nah, I’m good,” Aaron said, shaking his head. This was weird. He’d expected to feel awkward after telling Kevin, and don’t get him wrong—this felt very awkward. But not in what was necessarily a bad way.

Aaron didn’t feel that itchy, why-did-I-do-that haze that slipped over him the last time he’d told someone—which was, admittedly, a very long time ago. (His name had been Ian, and he’d worked at the 7/11 with Aaron back in high school.)

“Okay,” Kevin said. He turned to Aaron for a moment, looking like he wanted to say something else.

Aaron wished he wouldn’t.

“Thank you,” Kevin settled on, finally. That caught Aaron off-guard. “For telling me,” Kevin elaborated.

Aaron felt blood rising to his cheeks, but he tried to look unbothered when he replied, “Don’t worry about it. Um, thanks back, I guess.”

At that, miracle of miracles, Kevin cracked a tiny smile in Aaron’s direction.

It didn’t feel exactly  _ good, _ but even after Kevin left the dorm, and Aaron was sitting alone on the couch, something inside Aaron felt different. Maybe he felt lighter. Less trapped inside his own head.

It wasn’t bad.

**Author's Note:**

> aaron is important to society


End file.
